never enough Rilke in your day

    " That at bottom is the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter. That mankind has in this sense been cowardly has done life endless harm; the experiences that are called "visions" , the whole so-called "spirit-world", death, all those things that are so closely akin to us have by daily parrying been so crowded out of our daily life that the senses with which we could have grasped them are atrophied. To say nothing of God."

   Maria Rainer Rilke

acting, writing, directing at the same time

So when I am acting and rehearsing, I feel like I am working and then when i am writing I start to wonder what is taking so long. I get impatient with myself... cause I am not DOING anything. I am sitting, sometimes writing, sometimes staring at the trees, sometimes looking something up, sometimes organizing ideas/thoughts... I feel slow and unproductive at times... and then once I am PERFORMING what I have written I wonder, where did this play come from? It is like it appears magically from somewhere, I forget who wrote it. So I have been moving back and forth and the transtion is smooth when i have a director, who guides the rehearsal process and if not... I get tangled up sometimes (am I rewriting or making this work as written??) Of course it depends on how near the performance deadline is and what my goals are for that rehearsal... and at some point I say OK, the writer must leave the room. But she is not always very cooperative... especially when I am also director.

maybe something you detest is something you need to wrestle to the ground

So the show I just did in Munich was HIGHLY audience interactive and it went very well. I never liked audience interaction. I am one of those audience members who will sit in the back in a dark corner to avoid it. BUT I saw one solo show years ago by Annie Griffin (I think, I can't quite remember) and it was life changing... this performer had me eating out of her hand, I would do anything she said... and she barely asked. Since then... I have been working on various kinds of audience interaction in my shows. 

SO, if there is something you despise as a performer... you might consider trying it. I made all the students in my first acting class sign a petittion to get rid of the movement class and I hated, HATED audience interaction and I was going to be a physics being, not an actor and...  well, look at me now, the movement teacher, audience interactive theatre person... clearly the things I react against so strongly are powerful for me in some way

so check out what you detest...

goal setting as a actor or performer

This is the month that I typically spend planning the next... ah well, 1-15 years of my life. Every year I do this. Sometimes it just means revisiting a plan in process, refining it, seeing where I am, and sometimes it means rewriting it altogther, but really the latter is rare, very rare. I can look back to the age of 17 at these plans and most oif them have happened and that has given me the faith that it will continue to be so- and by the way, I don't come from money, that is no excuse. I racked tobacco, picked strawberries, worked a tractor, cleaned dishes, houses and fishing boats, waitressed, polished silver and copper, ironed clothes in stores, scooped ice cream, did telemarketing... 

Some careers have specific tragectories. Art careers, typically do not. This can make one feel really out of control of ones life or path. I think goal setting is talked about a lot in companies, weight lose, businesses, but as an artist? Especially if one is a worker who needs to be hired, booked, produced by others, it is often left to circumstance. Dream it, think about it but then WRITE IT DOWN. There is always the idea of showing it to others; going public with it, raising the stakes... but at least, get it down on paper. Burn it if you must (as a prayer versus as a 'that will never happen') but write it down... but being able to read it ten years later is a good idea. There is no promise in this that it will then manifest, but it will be one step closer.

The importance of mentors

I had the pleasure of hanging out for the past 2 days with Elizabeth Langley... Friend and mentor. We know each other through both working on No Exit for Denise Fujiwara, but I have known OF her since I was 19. So it is truly an honour and pleasure and deeply helpful to have her as a friend. We also know each other from Canada, and to be with her in her Aussie home town, well! Delight upon delight!

She roles her eyes a bit when I use the word mentor, she loves the story of how we met, after seeing one of my shows, she waited for me and then after we hung out post show, she stepped out on the street late at night and in truly Elizabeth fashion, announced to the sleeping Queeen street that she had a new friend and she has been more than true to those words since then. That was 6 years ago. As she is mentor to so many, she prefers me as her friend and tells me so very clearly... But I cannot deny that she is a helpful role model in many ways.

Elizabeth has a similar history to my current life. She is a mother, a teacher, a dramaturg and a performer. Our approaches in many ways are different (and this is helpful too) but the commonalities are so helpful.  I Know what a pleasure it is to be a mentor, and I know that many of those I have mentored have become life long friends. Although Elizabeth and I have not worked together, she is a personal and professional road map at times, guide and support.

She also, at 80, has more energy and spunk than anyone I know! And this is immensely inspiring. I sadly will miss her 80th birthday party in Montreal that will be a dancing bash like no other I am sure... But walking arm in arm the streets of her home town, sitting in the cafe that she was at the opening for in the 50 's, eating gluten free pizza with her on Lygon Street... Well I feel blessed and happy and much less alone and lost on the path